Mission DTG: 25JUL15 2300HRS
Location: OP COMPDESK
These last eight months dealing with this infant insurgency has been nothing short of a daunting task. From sleep deprivation to biohazards, and difficulty with rations, this command position has been one like none other either the Area Commander or myself have ever encountered. It was nearly four months ago now that we received intel suggesting the infant insurgent would soon be receiving reinforcements, luckily it is only one additional insurgent and not multiple troops. Still, the arrival of another infant insurgent this early on into the insurgency will prove to be taxing on both the Area Commander and myself. The lessons learned through the time when the reinforcements show up here in our area of operations will never the less be invaluable as we prepare to deal with this new surge of infant hostiles.
I can still remember the conversation with the doctors while we were still in the hospital following the birth of our son. They were telling us about the different birth controls options available and that we would definitely want to use some form of birth control for at least the next six to nine months. We were told how directly following giving birth that my wife would be extra fertile, especially while she was still breastfeeding. We’d always been rather cavalier when it came to birth control in the past. It was sort of a small miracle she never got pregnant until she did really, and there had certainly been a number of close calls before it finally happened for real.
Of course, our intention was to get her hooked up on some birth control pills, but we all know how that plays out. You say you’re going to do it the next time she goes in for her post-birth check up, then you completely forget about it.
Turns out we got to learn that lesson the hard way, and now we’re going to be the proud parents of what you’d call irish twins. It’s definitely not something you plan for (unless you’re one of those people that just plans on churning out babies after the first for whatever crazy reason), it’s just sort of something that happens. We’d certainly planned on having 2, maybe 3 kids when it’s all said and done. However, I’d say the plan, at least in theory, was to wait a year or two at least in between each of them. So much for that idea!
In any case, it happened, and now minion number 2 is on the way before minion number 1 is even crawling or walking yet. We’re secretly hoping it’s another boy, if for nothing else that we won’t have to buy a whole bunch of baby clothes for a girl. Other then that, transitioning from one to two shouldn’t be too bad, at least not equipment wise. Luckily we just moved into a four bedroom house, so we’ve already got an extra room ready to be used so it’s just a matter of tossing another crib and all the basic stuff in there.
Anyways, I digress. As the great Ted Mosby would say: I think it’s time for a pro’s/con’s list!
Pro’s and Con’s of Irish Twins
- As Barney Stinson always says “New is always better”: Now this doesn’t necessarily mean that minion number two will be better than minion number one, being a parent isn’t about comparing your kids. What I mean by this is that I can’t wait to go through that beginning phase of welcoming a new minion into the wolfpack. From birth at the hospital to those golden first couple of weeks when you’re just getting to know the evil little minion.
- Get the most out of the baby gear: Instead of shoving all of our newborn stuff into a box in the attic somewhere we can just move it to the new room and keep it on hand to use all over again for the new little one. From the extra newborn padding for the car seat to the little rocker and newborn bathtub apparatus, we’ll already have it all set and ready to go.
- They’ll be Thick as Thieves: Still not entirely sure this is a pro and not a con, but for now I’m gonna leave it up here under the pro’s, because why not, right? My older brother, younger sister, and myself are all separated by about six years in age. Because of this none of us really connected too well until we were all at least past high school. It was a vicious cycle which began with me messing with my brother and his stuff and getting on his nerves, to the same thing happening to me. None of us were really close enough in age to be involved in the same activities, have the same friends, or run in similar social circles. These two minions will only be separated by about a year so they’ll only be a grade apart as they grow up together. Needless to say, I’m envious of the connection they will have beginning in childhood.
- Knocking out the baby phases in one fell swoop: Okay, so babies are cute little bastards at least 70% of the time. But you know what’s not so cute? All the endless crying, poopie diapers, drooling all over the place, and teething. Having two back to back we’ll get all that initial stuff knocked out for both of them quicker than waiting a year or two and getting to go through all of it over again like a bunch of noobs.
- The baby phase ALL OVER AGAIN: Okay, yeah I know I listed this as a pro, but hell it’s my list so I’m going to add it in under cons as well. Minion number one isn’t even out of diapers yet, and we’re about to have another diaper-dweller in our midst. Diapers aren’t even the worst part, they’re not all that bad once you get used to them really. But everything else, from extra sleep deprivation to the growing pains and teething. Not only do we get to deal with all that again RIGHT after just having dealt with it, but this time we get to do it while minion number one terrorizes the house with his (by then at least) new found ability to walk and wander about the house on his own. Good times.
- Dealing with sleep/naps x2: One thing every new parent quickly learns to develop is moving silently like a ninja once the baby falls asleep. That, and how to keep the house perfectly quiet like a Submarine captain trying to stay undetected in the murky depths. We can only hope we can get them on similar sleep/nap schedules, otherwise trying to keep one asleep while the other still wants to play is going to be hell.
- Less Mommy Time for Minion Number One: This is going to be a tough one. To minion number one Mommy is the savior from all things that suddenly go wrong in his world: like crapping his pants, or suddenly realizing he’s kinda hungry, or maybe just ready for a nap. Sure, most of those woes Daddy can fix, but sometimes Mommy is the only one he demands attention from. Now here comes minion number two, who will also be demanding of attention from mommy, and in most instances likely win over her attention while minion number one sits there with a confused “WTF Mom?!” look on his face. Unfortunately, he won’t quite be old enough to comprehend why he can’t cuddle with mommy for his morning nap or be held whenever he wants.
The arrival of minion number 2 is still a number of months away, and we can only hope by the time s/he comes that minion number one will finally be sleeping through the night more steadily on his own. Knowing our luck? Probably not. But one can hope right? Either way, we’re definitely excited to be adding another member to the wolfpack.