Mission DTG: 22JUN15 0815HRS
Location: Living room District
The infant insurgent has entered the new fighting season after a period of normal conditions. Patrols have encountered a higher rate of IEDs (improvised explosove diapers) during the early morning hours as of late. With the latest reports indicating we would be facing newborn enemy reinforcements before the end of the year the morale of the Area Commander has been affected, leaving me to deal with clearing these devices. Luckily we were recently reinforced ourselves and now have a specialized K9 at our disposal, codename Gunner. Most of the time the K9 is erratic, and if I may be frank, a bit of a dick. But during these morning clearing ops he has proven himself invaluable at detecting the presence of HBE (hot baby explosive). Read more…
SitRep: Day 11 of Operation Homefront
The convoy continues eastward on return to Forward Operating Base Bubba. After a couple of pitstops to refuel and acquire some hot chow the VIP passenger, codename Bubba Bear, has become difficult. As part of his PSD (Parental Security Detail) I’ve had to supervise his care along with the convoy commander throughout this operation. Thus far the convoy commander has become quite adapt at changing out his MOPP (midget operated pee protection) gear in the backseat of the lead vehicle. We hope to make it back inside the wire and to the Baby Command Center before the day is out.
Day 10 of the infant insurgency, 0100 hrs: the Baby Force Commander had just finished delivering rations to the local before turning control over to me to conduct Burp Ops. During operations an explosive diaper was triggered. The QRDF (Quick Reaction Diaper Force) was alerted to neutralize the device. Intel suggested the infant insurgent was planning a spectacular attack during the diaper change causing the Diaper Protection Condition (DPCON) to be raised to its highest level. During the change a protective device was placed over the insurgents firing device. Protective measures were a success, as the surprise pee stream and secondary poosplosion were contained with limited splash damage.
November 14th, 2014:
Day 9 of the infant occupation: the tiny insurgent had nailed my co-commander with a dual threat poop-pee attack while she was on solo watch. After I joined her on the watch we were alerted to another possible IED (improvised explosive diaper). As we investigated, the little insurgent triggered his secondary device, attempting to hose us down with pee. He got a good arc and distance on it, but my mongoose like reflexes got me out of the line of fire just in time.